Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You can't special order awesome
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
