I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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