remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
