When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
