DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize