My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've blown a few things in my day
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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