I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
