it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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