Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
