TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize