she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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