You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
