You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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