WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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