She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
