That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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