he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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