God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
