There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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