I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
