I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
