I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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