Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
