I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
