he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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