I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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