We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
