Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
