I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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