there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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