Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
