I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
