Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
