who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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