the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
