Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
