pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
