You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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