Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize