I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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