The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
