I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
