I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize