he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
