no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
