You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
