saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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