apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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