then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So vagazzling was a success
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
