his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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