pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
