Please, let me fuck your mom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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