I can tuck mytits in my pants
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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