I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
