3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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