Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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