Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
