I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
