I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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