I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
