I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
