I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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