You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the raccoons are back...
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