So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
