Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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