my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
