This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize