i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
