Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
