if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
