i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
