If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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