I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
