she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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