just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
