so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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