My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
3 2 1 whiskey
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
