biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
