he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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