Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
