i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
