when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
