My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
