Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize