make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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