Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
