What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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