he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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