I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
