We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
