I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
