You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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