i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
